Won't wear helmet

Dear death:

I am a single mother of three. My eldest child of 16 won't wear his helmet when he's on his bicycle. I tell him it's the law, I tell him it's important, and I tell him his younger siblings need a good role model. But nothing I say seems to make the least difference. Then he comes home in the evening covered in scrapes from doing stunts and falling. I am becoming frantic with worry. What should I do?

Signed, Worried in Wichita

Dear Worried:

Children at that age seem to believe they are immortal and often cannot appreciate the efforts parents and society take to ensure that they survive into adulthood. It's a pity really as some invariably do not, and most of those as don't would have liked to. But I do need to kill on the order of 100 people a minute you know, and I'm not particular who it is. Though it might be hard as a mother you really do owe it to your son to remind him of this.

Best of luck,
death